Okay, I have like 5 pregnant friends right now. While they are beautiful and sweet, I don’t particularly envy the ones who are having their first, having been through the excitement and anxiety not too long ago. But the ones who are having their second… I find myself looking at their bellies with envy and wondering what it would be like to do it again with baby #1 under my belt. I wouldn’t need to pore over the stack of pregnancy books (who has time to read with a toddler in the house!), or page my midwife at three in the morning with Braxton -Hicks contractions. I could be comfortable with my pregnant body, know what to expect when the contractions start, and do things better the second time around. It’s a no-brainer, right?
No, WAIT!!!! What about the sleepless nights that continue to this day? I’m just getting my body back – do I really want to go through the agony of trying to shed 30+ pounds again? What about the astronomical price of childcare? Would I stay home and forsake my full-time career? Plus, we’ve been blessed with an amazingly good-natured child, so inevitably the next one would be a devil child!
Truthfully, I’m torn. I feel like if I’m going to do it again, then I should probably do it soon, and the thought of Audrey having a younger brother or sister brings a smile to my face. Frankly, I think if I had all the money in the world I’d just go for it… Oh, and of course there’s my guy who has to have a say! What do you think?
Tara,
November 2nd, 2010 at 7:25 pmLike you, my husband and I thought (ok, agonized) over the decision to have a second or not… eventually, it hit me that, as with my first pregnancy, waiting around for it to feel logical or rational would never happen. In fact, having baby No 1 and No 2 is, in a way, completely irrational and illogical, financially, physically and emotionally but, also as with the first, it’s the most mind-bending, world-tilting, joyful experience of my life (”the full catastrophe” in the best possible way). In my opinion, if lacking all the money in the world is all that’s holding you back, then I say go for it. We’re more broke this time than with our first but fortunes can change whereas there are only a few years in your life when babies can be made (I’ll be 40 in 6 months so it was now or never, I s’pose). Now that I’m nearly 8 months pregnant, I’m absolutely thrilled. One of the biggest and most unexpected side-pleasures is experiencing my now 2-year-old son’s adorable interest in the soon-to-arrive baby. I can’t wait to see the two of them together. (On the other hand, it drives me nuts when people say “that’s so sad” about people who choose to have only one child; that’s such b.s.) Oh, and you’re right about the serentiy of a second pregnancy: I feel liberated from the grip of Dr. Sears et al and can just ‘be’ pregnant without all the reading and worry. All the best.
Tara, just go for it! It is an equally exciting journey as the first one but in a very different way. You will share this experience with your daughter! This time, like youi said, you will be able to just enjoy the ride and not fret over every little detail. I have three kids now aged 8, 11 and 13. So, yes… I went maybe a bit overboard by one. Let’s face it. The world around us is designed for a family of four, not five. Number three changes what kind of house you need, what kind of car you drive etc etc. That being said, as broke as we are, I wouldn’t change a thing. I am the oldest of four siblings and although we weren’t always close growing up (the age span is 11 yrs from oldest to youngest) now we are each other’s best friends in an unconditional way that only family will give you. We lost our Mom to cancer a few years back at the young age of 60 and I can’t imagine having gone through that without the support of my two sisters and my brother. My husband was absolutely there for me but it was not his Mom. I don’t judge people that stop at one. We all have to make the choices that are right for us, but I have to say… I have five close friends that are “an only child” and they all wish they had a sibling. Life is just more enjoyable when shared.
November 19th, 2010 at 3:45 pmHi Tara,
Our daughter just turned 6 years old last week and our son will be 11 months in days. And they sight of the two of them together brings a smile to my face every time. I don’t know how old Audrey is, but having the kids 5 years apart was never part of my “plan”, but it has turned out amazingly well! Initially, we had wanted to have another child after our daughter turned 1, but mother nature had other plans for us.
I just turned 40 this summer so I also toiled with the decision of how much longer we’d keep “trying” to have a baby and we were lucky to have a healthy pregnancy and delivery just before our official cut-off. Phew!
Our daughter is also incredibly good natured and I was told that the 2nd one would be a devil child, but so far, so good. Our daughter is a wonderful little care-taker and she loves her brother so much. He looks up at her with such love – it’s almost as if there are little hearts coming out of his eyes like in those cartoons when we were growing up. She makes him laugh when nobody else can. I look forward to fostering that relationship.
Yes, there are several sleepless nights, but honestly, the 2nd time around is just different. As you wrote, you’re not as freaked out about every little sniffle or sigh or cry. So they’re crying, it’s not the end of the world – and you actually believe it this time!
As far as career goes, I’ve chosen to stay at home since I was pregnant with our daughter and I’d like to be home for the next 5 years or so until our son goes to school. I was a lawyer in a previous life but it feels like a lifetime ago and I don’t miss it. Yes, I miss the money and the socializing, but not the stress. So I can’t really make comment on your career because for me, after the initial, “what do I do with myself if I’m not working?” stage that lasted about 8 months, I actually love to be at home and taking care of my family. I have also learned how to take care of myself – that’s been a wonderful discovering.
I don’t know if I’ve helped or not, but there it is. For me and my family, it’s been wonderful and I can’t recommend it enough!
Best of luck and keep us updated!
November 19th, 2010 at 8:06 pmOh, such great advice. So glad you had a chance to hear from other parents. They are so right. I too worried about money when baby number two was coming. But now, my 15 year old son and 13 year old daughter have the nicest relationship. They pick on each other sometimes, but I see how they love and protect each other. Siblings are wonderful. My sister is my best friend. One word of advice from me, if you do have a second, when life gets busy and hectic, make time for you relationship, mine suffered when the kids were little because I always put the kids first. My marriage is now in the recovery stages, but I wish I had known to remember to care for my husband too. You will know what is best for you. Good luck with your decision.
June 23rd, 2011 at 10:36 am